Ode to the girl with haunting eyes
I got delivered her in a bundle of cloth.
10 months weighed 3.5kg – same weight as a new-born baby
She was discovered in another hospital, photo was taken by a staff member who cared, about her condition – nothing was being done to help her– the photo was given to Mama Laadi who organised her to be bought to me.
I got delivered you in a bundle of cloth.
I could barely even find you in there.
First I see your eyes.
No adjectives can explain the message you are conveying with them.
You have a depth and a hurt behind your eyes that I can never reach.
I unwrap the cloth like I am unwrapping an injured bird cared for by a child.
Your arms are smaller than my thumbs.
Your skin is peeling off
You can’t maintain your temperature, or your heart rate.
I’m scared.
Your eyes are staring at me, wide and expressionless.
Takes too much energy to have an expression.
I can’t hear your heart because my stethascope doesn’t fit between your protruding ribs.
I lift you up like you are a porcelain doll – I feel you can break at any minute.
Cuddling skeleton.
Can’t cry, too much energy to have a voice
Your grandma thinks you are an animal, I know your potential.
I promise you I will do everything I can to protect you.
Your eyes stare back, I’m searching for an expression……anything.
No.
I’m experiencing the expressions for you – Disbelief… Anger…. Sadness….
Revenge ………Who has done this to you my girl?
I break open some World Food Programme food …… you stare at me and eat furiously………….starving…….. who has done this to you?
I look at your grandma and words cannot explain what I want to yell at her, lucky she doesn’t understand English. You can’t raise your head.
Keep eating.
I’m just so sorry, I’m sorry your mum died, and your dad left you. I’m sorry your grandma has no capacity to care for you. I’m sorry she thinks you are an animal. I’m sorry you have only energy to blink every now and then.
Keep eating.
I hold you and whisper in your ear…. Everything will be alright…. You’ll see….. keep eating.
You look at me, your haunting eyes I will always remember, that now live in my heart.
I lie you down, wrap you in cloth, you dissapear in the bundle….
Hold on.
yes
I can see a sparkle and fight in your eyes……… I can see it.
I walk away from the bundle with an expression of relief and hope
– I will feel it for you.
